Nut jobs search for meaning of life after Sweden actually changes refugee policy

by Joel Sherwood

"We'd planned to spend years spreading hatred and vitriol about the flow of refugees. We were so excited," said a Swedish right-wing nut job (RWNJ) after Sweden abruptly announced cutbacks to its generous refugee policy this week.

"We never thought we'd actually get what we wanted. Now what do we do?"

Sensing the dismay, RWNJ leaders have been quick to step in and try to restore purpose among their ranks. 

"We may not have refugee policy to seethe over anymore," said one prominent RWNJ, "but we can now start focusing on the more fundamental threats to society like vegetarians, horseless carriages, and men doing yoga."


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Sweden on high alert over threat of Republican candidates

by Joel Sherwood

The country raised its terror level to ‘high’ on fear that Republican presidential candidates may be on the loose in Sweden and threatening to speak. The news comes after a barrage of increasingly nonsensical statements by Republicans about Syrians and refugees in the wake of Paris attacks last week.

“There are so many Republican candidates. We can’t possibly keep track of them, and they’re all so unbalanced,” a Swedish official said.

“If you see a Republican presidential candidate in Sweden, immediately put in earplugs to mitigate the risk of actually hearing what they have to say. Then run,” the official said.

Sources say Swedish intelligence overheard a candidate discussing a trip to Switzerland. The threat level was then raised to 'high' after gauging a 50-50 chance the candidate didn’t know the difference between Switzerland and Sweden.

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by Joel Sherwood

My sister was in Florida. Staying at a house in a respectable neighborhood. A friend of hers arrived and said he'd seen something strange. Could she come and take a look?

They drove a few blocks, turned down a quiet street, and slowed in front of a house. Surrounding the house were turkey vultures. On the garage. In the yard. On the roof. In trees.

No other house around had a single vulture. It was just the one, which had dozens. They counted 28. 

My sister and her friend reported the house to a neighbourhood security guard, who contacted the residence. A man at the house claimed to have no idea why 28 creatures that eat the dead would be perched outside his door. 

The next day my sister was out driving again. She turned down the same street, slowed in front of the house and took a look. All the vultures were gone. 

I've been thinking about that story lately. I'm getting into the Halloween spirit. 

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10 small tips to help refugees that can make a big difference

by Joel Sherwood

Right now it's all about trying to help refugees. Like a lot of people, I've been looking for ways to get involved. But the question is what can you do that will really make a difference?

So I did some research and talked with experts in the field. Here are 10 simple tips you can try that experts think will probably help: 

  1. Try not to set fire to refugee homes across your country, or burn them down to the ground. 
  2. If you're a journalist and you're among refugees who are fleeing to safety, try not to repeatedly kick them and trip them for the sake of better video footage.
  3. Try not to organize anti-immigration rallies for tens of thousands of people to fuel heated refugee hatred.
  4. Try to stop anyone you see in your country dousing refugee homes with gasoline, kerosine or other highly flammable liquids. 
  5. If you're a voter in Europe, and there's an extreme right-wing anti-immigration party that's fuelling refugee hatred and trying to get into power, try not voting them into power.
  6. Try not to form a human wall blocking weary refugees from reaching safety.
  7. Try not to start wars.
  8. If you see someone who has doused a refugee home in kerosine, lit a match and looks about to set a refugee house ablaze, try blowing out the match.
  9. If you're the leader of an extreme right-wing party that fuels refugee hatred and someone in your party suggests completely banning asylum and leaving the European Union, try saying "that's a bad idea".
  10. Last but not least: Try not to vote for Donald Trump. That may not help refugees directly, but it's a good tip in life.


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